Showing posts with label sex addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex addiction. Show all posts

Friday, February 19, 2010

Tiger Woods's apology, Mia Michaels's brilliance, and the Addictive Dance o' Death

 
Kayla & Kupono, "Addiction" dance
I know. It's the Year of the Tiger, and today Tiger Woods's gave his long-awaited statement to the press in the wake of his sex scandal. Yet before I comment, I want to summon one of the most powerful and eloquent portrayals of addiction I've ever seen. The brilliant Mia Michaels, who choreographed the dance for SYTYCD, said, "I think everybody at one point will have or has had an experience with wanting something that's not good for you." Yes, and some of us have made a lifelong pattern of it. That's one hallmark of addiction. The repetition. The enslavement to the wanting. And the inability to let go, even when it hurts.
"You are the Addiction," she told Kupono. Kupono knew addiction firsthand. He said a good friend's addiction to drugs had "almost destroyed my family, almost destroyed my friend." He didn't want to dance this character, or be that drug -- even for a minute and a half performance. Then he broke down. His emotional engagement clearly ignited the dance, set to Sara Bareilles's "Gravity." Check it out:
"Addiction" dance - Kayla Rodomski & Kupono Aweau, dancers; Mia Michael, choreographer
 
This dance reminds us people can be destructively, uncontrollably hooked on a person. People can be addicted to love as well as sex, as well as drugs, as well as alcohol. Some people use relationships as a drug. As a love junkie, I did this. I confused sex for love, and I entered into the territory of sex addiction through love addiction. This is often the portal for women, as Dr. Drew noted on that Oprah episode with cast from VH1's "Sex Rehab." Lots to chew on, and think about in terms of Tiger and this addiction. Like Elin, I also was drawn to sex addicts -- people who were never just satisfied with me. If that's not a prescription for psychic hellaciousness. 
[Note:  SYTYCD without Mia Michaels, without the choreographers on the judging panel, is greatly diminished for this viewer. The choreographers brought gravitas, passion and artistic vision to the discussion of dancers. Mia Michaels was the queen. No wonder she won an Emmy for this piece. I no longer watch SYTYCD. It got too big for its Danskins.]
 
Tiger Woods, victorious
On top of the world - flip side, "I felt entitled"
Check the above photo of Tiger. Then this one below from the press conference today:
Tiger Woods at press conference
1st public statement post-scandal, 2.29.10
Do yourself a favor, and watch the 13 minute statement. Whatever you think about this world-class athlete personally -- his statement is powerful. Someone on Twitter today asked me if he was in recovery-recovery or celebrity recovery-recovery. My sense is that he is ready to get better. I checked in with Benoit Denizet-Lewis today, and we both concurred. Tiger had come across vulnerable, sincere, and willing to take responsibility. There are no guarantees, of course. But what his public statement can do is crack open the cultural awareness about sex addiction. That's why it matters in the bigger picture of our health as a society. Further, his dedication to rigorous rehab can perhaps help educate people about the treatment and hope for sex addiction -- and other process addictions as well as substance addictions. When he brought up the spiritual dimension, and his training in Buddhism, I applauded him further. This aspect is key to true recovery, and often left out of the more general public conversation. Then he went on to say he had a long way to go. That, too, is crucial to convey to people -- that there is no quick fix here. In the end, I was simply moved by the emotional openness of his speaking. I believed. And that is the biggest testament of all. I say bravo to Tiger for putting a face and voice to this pervasive addiction.  Perhaps it is not just the year of the Tiger, but also the year of deepening awareness of such wildly destructive process addictions.
What are your thoughts?
RR

Friday, November 27, 2009

New Love Junkie book site page: Reader Responses!

So this is a time for gratitude. Today, as I contemplate never eating again I'm still so full, I want to pay tribute to the incredible Love Junkie readers. We have just added a brand new page to the Love Junkie book site to showcase some of these reader responses. When I have doubted the book, when I have despaired about the book's chances in this challenging economy and cultural climate, when I have felt like hiding away from the raw story itself, letters from readers have kept me going. Their words have given me faith that there is something in this book that can help others.

Please check out this new page, and let me know your thoughts here on the Love Junkie blog. Here's the link:
http://www.lovejunkiethememoir.com/Reader_Responses.html

Meanwhile, below is a photo of a real Love Junkie reader caught in action! This is Judy Carter, the renowned comedian, author of perennial bestseller The Comedy Bible, and a previous participant in the Writers On Fire workshops. She generously posted this on Facebook some weeks ago. Enjoy! I look forward to your comments on the new Reader Response page. We plan to update it with new responses in coming weeks.

Gratefully yours,
Rachel
xoxo

P.S. SEND PHOTOS OF YOU READING LOVE JUNKIE AND WE'LL POST A NEW PIC EVERY WEEK! 

In a Greek coffee shop in NYC reading Rachel Resnick's amazing book "Love Junkie." Passionate story of sordid details of a personal exodus from sex addiction. Get it!
-- Judy Carter



Thursday, November 12, 2009

New Website Launch!



As I write this, I’m drinking a fresh-made latte to warm my bones. I’m such a sun whore. The hell with seasons, the subtlety of changing leaves and all that cyclical jazz. Give me eternal summer. The merciless yet vivifying glare of sunshine. There’s a chill in the air today, the sky is dishwater gray, but the view from my deck overlooking the Topanga State Park is still breathtaking. Buck up, is what that view says. Open your eyes. Be grateful. I inhale, think about the journey I’ve been on the past few years. In truth, I barely recognize myself. I feel like a shape-shifter, psychologically speaking. My friend the amazing writer Samantha Dunn warned me that writing a memoir would change me. She was right. In the wake of the book, I’m still learning who I am.

In November of 2009, my first memoir Love Junkie came out. The year before that, I squirreled away in my modest Topanga rental to bang out the book. Sometimes it felt more like sluicing open my veins than writing. I’d never been so skinless. I pity whoever got close to me then. For a whole year, I was like a walking-talking raw nerve. And crazy. That’s right. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Writing a memoir can make you bonkers. Memoir is about memory, and to write vividly, you’ve got to “go there.” Meaning, you’ve got to relive those memories, which in this case, meant feeling pain fresh. Okay, yes, there was also memory of physical ecstasy – which was more fun to revisit -- and I hope a lot of dark humor shot through the whole thing. You know, that special humor that springs from a wacky, rough childhood – where everything starts to look deliciously absurd. We’re talking survival goggles.

When the book came out, I had little idea what to expect. I went from being a hyper-introspective psyche-flaying wacked-out hermit – to a published memoirist who now had to, well, groom herself! Shower, shave, deodorize, dress in something other than sweats. And present the book to the world. It felt like a whirlwind. The book came out right when the economy was crashing, and then the publishing industry followed suit. All the rules changed, and quickly. My last published book, Go West Young F*cked-Up Chick (Gee, any connection there?!) had come out ten years before. (Why the long lag, you ask? I was too busy being a love junkie to write another book!) So I had some chops when it came to going public with my writing. I don’t think I could’ve written a memoir without that experience of publishing a novel, other publications, and years of teaching and learning to articulate things about craft in a professional, distanced way. Yet fiction is far more shielding than memoir. So in that sense, I wasn’t prepared at all. Plus, publishing-wise, it was a different world then. For GWYF-UC, I remember insisting on building a website and posting the URL on the book’s back cover. The publishers thought I was out of my mind. Cut to ten years later, and the two operative words for modern book publicity:  social networking. That includes websites, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, you name it. And – it falls primarily on the shoulders of the author.

I have to laugh when people ask me what I’m writing now. Writing? I’m a book pimp! I have a book out. While it’s out there, I’ve got to support it or all that intense cave-dwelling soul-searching heart-baring work will go to waste and wind up in the dreaded remainder bin. I tell people rather than trying to channel Proust, I’m now all about channeling the spirit of P.T. Barnum! Despite the climate, we were lucky enough to get lots of press and attention for Love Junkie. What happened was the book seemed to hit a cultural nerve. Shortly before the hardcover debuted, actor David Duchovny publicly confessed to entering rehab for sex addiction. This was a watershed moment. It seemed America was getting ready for a cultural dialogue about hidden but pervasive process addictions like love and sex addiction. The press and book tour continued. Meanwhile, I was also trying to keep my business Writers On Fire alive so I could earn to support my writing habit. It’s a bitch earning your living freelance. But I’m unsuited to offices or regular jobs, so this is my path right now. I also admit I love the freedom – and the gambling rush of it all.

It seems I barely had time to breathe after the hardcover when – whammo – the paperback was coming out. This time, we might have more of a fighting chance. The paperback launched in early October. So the shadow of holidaze was far enough away that we could spread the word about the book in its new irresistible pulsating pink cover. Urban fantasy novelist and blogger extraordinaire Justine Musk said it was the only pink she’s ever liked. She called it “fuck you pink.” Spot on.

Shortly after its release, I got the news the paperback had gone into reprint. Whut? I’d never had anything go into reprint! Then I heard Barnes & Noble had seen fit to feature it on their New Arrivals trade paperback tables in their largest stores for two weeks. Two weeks! And without anyone paying them? Then it hit the Southern California Indie Bestseller list. What was happening? I’d tried different publicists with the hardcover. Now it was time to try again. The stars were aligned because national bestseller Hope Edelman, friend, neighbor, and author of the seminal book Motherless Daughters and most recently, the stunning memoir The Possibility of Everything, generously invited me to join her in conversation at a combo book event for us both at the first ever SheWrites salon in Los Angeles. That’s where I met the fresh, young dynamic duo of Jamie and Julia - J Squared PR (jsquaredpr.com) – right as they were beginning their business. They were the literary publicists of the future, with their chutzpah and solid grounding in film publicity. Their take-no-prisoners attitude, boundless energy and enthusiasm were just the fuel injection I needed for the paperback incarnation. It was the last chance.

Now was the time to spread the word, and hopefully prepare for the book to have a life after the tiny publishing window closed. To catch you up, I’m currently smack in the midst of the paperback promotion. In future blog posts I will try to talk more specifically about that process, and about other stuff, too. In this opening post, I just wanted to introduce you all to the Love Junkie journey, so you can join me from this point forward on a more regular basis. If you have any questions, or want to know about particular things, please feel free to ask me. You can send me e-mail through this awesome new site designed by Jamie of JSquaredPR.

Confession:  I would never have had the confidence or faith to keep pushing for the book’s survival if it weren’t for the extraordinary, heartfelt letters I’ve received and continue to receive from readers. In truth, I’m more of a writer – full of doubt and strong waves of, well, self-loathing. Sure, sometimes those alternate with thinking I’m okay (wait! Maybe I’m describing an addict more than every writer!) In any case, although I do love casual socializing, I’d rather be holed up, playing with word choice, polishing sentences, conjuring visceral scenes and feeling that creativity surge through me than out book-pimping. When I write is the only time I feel bigger than myself. I know it’s not about me, but about letting something come through me.

‘Til soon.
Rachel
xoxo